This blog is very contrast to the other ideas I’ve written on. *warning not edited

Let me just put it out there – I believe no one in this world enjoys the feeling of being used, even those who acknowledge that others use them and are too afraid to pull away because their own fears. For those who understand that they treat people this way, how dare you. Your inability to even sustain the amount of respect for yourself and work through your own problems and insecurities is now to be placed on someone else to satisfy your “emotional” needs? Excuse me? You’ll never find satisfaction that way.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand. Oh, I understand. While I recognize the methods of controlling, I have my very own “string-pulling.” We want to change our ways? Start with acknowledging and taking responsibility with how we make others feel. Then apologize. It’s the right thing to do. There are no sides here. The controlling ways we have to manipulate and to twist things around are just as messed up as the person who thinks too little of themselves to continuously let us do it. We are all human, all broken, all sinful. So where do we as humanity go from here?

Recognize the power we have to control with our “should,” breaking communication, intimidating, or our making another feel guilty for not meeting our personal needs. Also, because people don’t buy into us doesn’t mean their uncaring of us or cruel. If a person doesn’t do something we want them to do doesn’t mean they deserve the silent treatment or disrespect. Positions such as mother, father, son, and daughter are not meant to be used as punishment (i.e., “If you don’t meet my expectations, then I will not show you any affection.”).

Maturity demands that we lay bare before God our need to control and that we begin the process of trusting the One who is in ultimate control. God wants to heal and restore how we seek love and attention by coming to him. Here are some common beliefs:

• “I am accepted only because of what I do.”

• “I have value only if my work is acceptable.”

• “I have worth only if I please others.”

Beliefs such as these cause the people manipulated to defend and be consumed by the manipulation. They will defend the relationship, not want to change, become angry, and will eventually loose independence.

If we assume that we must meet all the needs and fulfill the expectations of someone else—then we are depending too much on our self. We are taking the role that God alone should have.

“This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.… But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.’ ” (Jeremiah 17:5, 7)

The root belief people feel is “I must have the approval of others in order to feel good about myself.” The right belief is “I must not live for the approval of others, but instead I realize that God will meet all my inner needs because He accepts me totally and loves me unconditionally.”

God wants all of us to know that we can find love and security in him. Breaking free of being the controller and person being controlled is painful and hard. If this is true of you, seek help from friends and God’s word. Learn to build healthy relationships.

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)


These last few months have been a journey. With all its up and downs, I am truly thankful for the journey and the part of life I am in. Yet, it hasn’t always been happy. I’ve experienced the pressure of paying for things I never did before, the freedom of summer, the feeling of true homesickness, the honor of starting a career, the leaving of friends, the start of new friendships, and the many heart breaks from men who did not know what they wanted. Whew…is that all? It’s honestly been so hard. Living away from the world I used to know makes my vision more dull and my feet less concrete. So, with all that I’ve experienced, I’m now reflecting on how much I have learned.

God has been with me through it all. Though I’ve cried prayers that have not been answered, I know he is for me and not against me. To give the Lord credit, I’d have to make lists and lists of all his faithfulness has brought me.

That’s my joy. His faithfulness. His truths. His company. His purpose….”And I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

When I reflect back, I think about my love for the Lord, how it has grown in some seasons and how it has not been shown in others. It’s true, he loves me. Yet I’ve given half my heart for the belief that I’m doing enough and the belief that I can control my life. It’s only sooner or later that those who believe these lies feel like the opposite of their false beliefs, like their not enough or their out of control.

I hope to encourage you and relate to those who fear the presence of the Lord. It humbles you and leaves you powerless because it’s not what you can do, it’s what God does within you. As much as I’d enjoy God to change my circumstances (debt, without family, single) God has guided my steps perfectly and knows the next.

“No more fear. God let your word enrich my life. Let there be change. Not in the world around me, but IN me.”

Truly His.

That something.


Maybe some of you would be surprised, but I’m often so jealous of the confidence I see in others. I think to myself if only I had the same boldness, if I had the right words, or if I could be that direct. What if I had that something?!!!

This past week none of that mattered. I had to stare death, anger, hate, and jealousy right in the face. I took a deep look at my pain and at the pain of others around me, and I realized that asking myself those questions came from a rooted place of doubt in who I know Christ to be and who he chooses to use. The death of my grandmother came as a surprise to my family. Although her health had been fading for years, the disconnect between my family members ran so long my mother was even surprised she got a phone call.

That something that I know I have seemed to be weighing in the balance of it all.

Christ Jesus.

He carried it all this past week, and I knew his glory and sovereignty would shine through it all. I looked out for my mother, supported her, loved her, and also presented the challenge for her to love others who have hurt her. I serve an almighty and loving Father who poured out His unconditional love on my family this week. If ever I need to remember a time of Christ’s faithfulness to me, I pray I remember this time in my life. I want to remember the days that made my spirit feel numb and my body ache, and be reminded how I hung on to Christ, my strength, for my heart to heal, be fulfilled, and for it to be poured out to others in its rawest form.

Christ is not only my something, He is my EVERYTHING! The God who made promises to Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac. He promises me and others who believe on Him and obey Him a life eternal with Him. May my life reflect the same eternal glory I’ll get to experience when I meet Him one day.

Thank you friends for all your prayers and words of encouragement. They have meant more to me than you’ll ever know.

Psalm 27:13-14 ❤



2 Peter 3:18

When will you be a “fully grown” Christian? Hopefully never – or at least not until you arrive in heaven! We always have the potential to keep growing.

How to keep growing:

  • study God’s Word
  • obey his commands
  • keep praying
  • seek to live in the center of God’s will

When we do these things, we will never be “stagnant believers.” We will instead be growing Christians…the kind that God wants us to be.

Grow, dear friends, but grow, I beseech you, in God’s way, which is the only true way.

Hannah Whitall Smith

Tea time.


I ponder some of life’s hardest questions when I sit down and drink a cup of tea. It’s not as quick pace as coffee is sometimes, and it often requires more of a relaxed atmosphere to be fully enjoyed (at least for myself). Not that many of you couldn’t guess, but I have my cup of tea sitting on the low table to my right. It’s a green tea with a hint of mint. So nice for an evening like tonight –  when I’m hearing the voices in my head race too quickly, it relieves all thought by sipping and savoring the taste.

The big thought tonight is home. 

If you know me well enough, from time to time, I sometimes just think the best solution in life is to run home to NC. Literally run. It happens most when I don’t think I can handle things on my own or when I just feel alone. Recently, I’ve had nothing to complain about (and honestly, when I do, God checks me real fast). God has been extremely faithful to His Word and my God has also been extremely giving of His love, peace, and His comfort. But like everyone, I have those homesick days that tends to uproot everything I’ve tried to bury deep and tends to cause me panic over immediate things. It’s not completely a surprise, but these moments of fear pop up more than I’d like. They are the Devil’s trick to leave me lifeless and to hunt my self-worth. These times make me want to run home.

This longing. This desire. This urgency for contentment and wholeness is nothing the Lord himself cannot complete. Often, after I run to other things that I believe will have the answers, I remember my God is already waiting for me where ever I am at and I don’t need to run anywhere. Home in this sense is more than a physical place. Home  is a deep-rooted truth that my life is forever meant to be lived out for the one who created me, who breathed life into me, and who knows my heart more than anyone on this planet ever could. Home is a place where I feel most satisfied being. Is my soul satisfied? Cause I know, I’ll never feel more complete than when I’m in right relationship with the Lord. When I walk humbly and truthfully with my God, my soul will not fear these times. His love and grace will truthfully be the only thing to save me.  It’s Him who takes every fear and every false belief and reminds me of a greater truth that lies inside a person who has mighty God on her side (Romans 8:28-39).

God already loves me, purely and unconditionally. This I know. I’m complete. Completely home.

Be hidden in Christ (Colossians 2 & 3).

Be hidden in Christ (Colossians 2 & 3).

live in him..
– Be rooted
– Be built up in Him
– In His strength, in the faith as you were taught
– Overflow with thankfulness
– Put on love
– Put to death earthly nature
– Be renewed by the image of the creator

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” Colossians 2:9.

No counterfeits.

Right now.


This is one word I try not to think about. However, my mind cannot escape it when it’s 2 a.m. and my thoughts keep me awake (or if I meet someone new and they have a billion questions about my life, haha). Will I get this job? Am I truly loving that person? When will  I find the “one”? Why can’t I trust them? Did I pay that bill? How does one simply look that beautiful? Should I move? Purple or blue blouse for work tomorrow? 

Truly, I don’t care for worry or trying to figure out my life plan. I think the better solution for me is to not know and to just do what I love. It keeps me on my toes and it keeps me in the right now. It allows me to trust in the Lord and not plan a life by my own sight or expectations. Sure, there are plenty of things I NEED think about! So I do, and I get those done. What are the better things to think about? That is the right question.

How can I encourage this person today?

How can I express I am sorry so we can move past this? 

Do I feel satisfied with myself and God?

Did I laugh enough today? (personally, I try to have a good hard belly laugh at least every hour).

Am I letting my walls down in order for everyone to see the real me?

Am I forgiving so I can learn to trust again?

Things I am thankful for:

God. Relationships. Children. Walks. Ponds. Curtains blowing in from the breeze. Hikes. Crickets chirping. Love. Coffee. Baby cheeks. Hugs. Family. Bike rides. Laughing. Hearing the sizzle on a pan. Tin roofs. Building forts. Hearing a song and feeling giddy. Dancing. Sunglasses. Earrings. Warm sun on the skin. Puffy clouds. Smiles. Pictures. Pumpkin Pie.

Future. Tomorrow. Today. 

Today, I can choose to think about the better things. Thoughts that keep me motivated to love Christ and to love others before myself. Thoughts that give Christ control and trust so that I’m living a Spirit led life instead of just trying to manage by the worlds expectations. Tomorrow, I’ll think about the same thoughts I had today. Some may look a little different. In the Future, I’ll look back and be thankful I didn’t try to map everything out.